Well, isolation still sucks. Thankfully, it seems things may be finally changing on that front. This week’s Rewatch brings us to Phase 2 of the MCU, where we see the characters and heroes of Phase 1 turn to new challenges, link up with new comrades, face down new villains, and begin to uncover a cosmic conspiracy of galactic proportions.
May 2nd, 2020 @ 12:34 PM
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Directed by: Shane Black
It’s cool to see someone else at the helm of an Iron Man film for a change. Meanwhile, Jon Favreau’s Happy is rocking a bolo tie and Guy Pearce looks like he’s been in lockdown for way too long. The whole Mandarin storyline is eerily prescient to the ISIS shenanigans only a few years later. “Iron Patriot”—hilarious. As my partner Paige quips: “Happy Facetimes like my grandmother.” It’s hard to watch Tony struggle with cosmic PTSD. Dude just get help. “You like that, Westworld?” Ah, so that’s why the Mandarin’s accent is so shitty. “WARMACHINEROX.” Tony’s whole Unabomber resolution to his PTSD is funny and sad. But holy shit! Guy Pearce is out here as a f***ing dragon this whole time?!? Thanks Shane Black.
- End Credit Summary: Tony’s hilarious psych evaluation with Banner.
- Rating: 3 Dora The Explorer watches.
2:37 PM
Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Directed by: Alan Taylor
Confession: This is one of the worst MCU films and I barely remember it at all. Something Hopkins, something dark elves, something ether—yawn. In another, arguably brighter timeline, we’d give Patty Jenkins of Wonder Woman fame the chance to pull this one off. But alas, we get old mate Alan Taylor instead. So, I decided to bail out to the kitchen and make nachos. And I tap my friend Nick to sub-in for this review. Take it away, good sir.
Okay, so, Loki is a babe. Even with his OG Daddy issues—still hot. I feel like there must be a glorified Asgardian spring cleaner looking after Loki’s mess. And honestly, the MCU wouldn’t have any action sequences if Thor just turned up on time. Asgard apparently hasn’t developed shower tech… because watching Thor bath from a basin is sooo much better. Ah, the intern kept in the boot: a perfect example of British austerity measures. Oh shit, someone didn’t wash their hands for a full twenty seconds, that ether’s gunna stick! Since the events of Avengers, I guess Jane thinks that Thor has just been chilling in NYC this whole time? Building on that integral theme established in Iron Man 3: people exploding. Well, we have a new unit of time, eternities: “5 eternities please.” Asgard’s got some big Naboo energy in this one, folks. Also, nerd flirting: “I like the way you explain things.”
- End Credit Summary: Oh shit, it’s The Collector, bitch!
- Rating: 2 naked Erik Selvigs
4:23 PM
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Directed by: Anthony & Joe Russo
Alright, I’m back. Relax everyone. Jesus, what an annoying running partner. I’d straight-up push Cap right into the Potomac. But that list of twentieth century events to catch up on in Cap’s notebook: priceless. Some big Falcon and Black Widow chemistry going on here, too: “How you doing?” Really loving this Syphon Filter spy mission action scene though. Ah yes, ‘The Triskelion’. How iconic. Oh look, it’s Caleb Nichol. And it’s Bucky, bitch! Old mate Fury out here pulling that classic Loki fake out. Also, throughout this film, Cap is basically either flirting with people or punching them in the face. It’s a definitely a mood. CGI looks pretty terrible overall but the Russo brothers have stepped up the action scenes from Whedon’s Avengers. Cue the monologuing villain. Man, that fight scene in the streets of Washington and Bucky’s eventual reveal is just next level. (Side note: I completely forgot about that Abed cameo. How very meta.)
- End Credit Summary: Uh oh. Looks like Scarlet Witch & Quicksilver.
- Rating: 3 ½ plumetting heli-carriers.
6:42 PM
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Directed by: James Gunn
Man, that first needle drop and the entire soundtrack. 11/10. A little toxic space masculinity here, a little Vin Diesel as a giant, living tree alien there. “It’s cool to have a code name. It’s not that weird.” Marvel’s galactic version of Oz or Prison Break. I’d binge that shit. “That was my favourite knife.” God damn, this script just has peak witty banter. Knowhere looks dope, but the real question is: “Who put the sticks up their butts?”
Look, Guardians is sick. Great pacing. Interstellar aesthetic. Sharp writing. Top-notch performances and chemistry. A truly unbeatable soundtrack. “I am Groot” (in that order). So, I’m going to go ahead and call it right now: this is easily the best (stand-alone) film in the MCU.
- End Credit Summary: (mid) dancing baby Groot; (end) it’s Howard the Duck!
- Rating: 4 ½ jism Jackson Pollocks
8:37 PM
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Directed by: Joss Whedon
Just straight into it then? Cool? Cool. “No, it wasn’t.” Scarlet Witch is crazy OP from the get-go, and it only gets more intense as things go on. Also, everybody’s just thirsty for Thor and I don’t blame them. But is there anything more soothing and quietly menacing than the cold, disembodied voice of James Spader? Or everyone just casually dick measuring with Mjölnir? “And he did a Banksy at the crime scene, just for us.” That scene with Hulk vs. Tony’s Hulk-buster suit is crazy intense. Oh, and Hawkeye is an actual character with a real family and backstory? Weird. “Multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit.” I guess NEXUS is a stand-in for beautiful Norwegian nerds apparently. Main takeaway from this film is that ahhh, Tony kind of sucks.
- End Credit Summary: Thanos! And the gauntlet!
- Rating: 2 ½ one-armed Boers
10:50 PM
Ant-Man (2015)
Directed by: Peyton Reed
This one feels like a bit of a coda, especially coming after another Avengers film. But whatever, it’s late and we need to keep this thing rolling. Well, those are some weird good-bye prison rituals. “Baskin Robbins always finds out.” Man, Michael Peña is absolutely killing it here. His montage stories with voiceover is hilarious. “Ant-hony.” “Hi, I’m Scott.” Paul Rudd screwing up a tender family moment and bailing with a shit-eating grin on his face is definitely my spirit animal. Also, Louis humming ‘It’s a Small World After All’—incredible.
- End Credit Summary: (mid) Pym reveals The Wasp suit; (end) Cap & Falcon have Bucky in custody.
- Rating: 3 Thomas the Tank Engine deathmatches.
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